The Art of the Bonerhide
Since we get a lot of emails about our stories from Middle School and High School students, I decided that I will impart one of the most useful information for all of our hormone raging teenage readers: The Art of the Bonerhide.
I remember when I was a young lad at 12 playing a co-ed basketball league at our local YMCA. One day during practice a girl who I thought was kind of hot decided to box me out for a rebound and low and behold my penis, like it had a mind of its own, decided to pop-up and give the girl’s ass a poke. Now, if I had known about the bonerhide arts, I would have avoided this embarrassing incident and would not have gotten yelled at by our coach (who incidentally happened to be the girl’s dad).
EVERYONE, has an embarrassing boner incident. No matter who they are, everyone’s had them. So first, don’t be embarrassed because of a inopportune lower region incident. You should feel sorry for people who don’t have this problem as they probably will grow up with a crappy sex drive which in turn will get them laid less - so first, be proud of your raging testosterone.
So now that we got that out of the way, there are a couple of times when you might need to use the bonerhide arts.
1) When you’re touching/kissing a girl:
2) The old classic of when you’re slow dancing with a girl:
3) When you’re doing some activity with a girl where you get a nice view of the girl’s assets (ie. Playing Pool)
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And remember when I said that EVERYONE has these incidents? Take a look at former president Clinton (although I’m not sure why he has a boner when the only two people accompanying him on his boat is an old white guy and Hilary Clinton):
And finally, the introduction of the BonerHide Arts and how to effectively use it to hide that wood after the jump!
So I’m sure you have been in one of the three situations listed above and you’re thinking… “What’s the best way to hide it?”
This is where the arts of the BonerHide comes in handy. You will either get your surprise boner standing up or sitting down. I will describe two methods to hide your wood in both positions.
STANDING
Option 1:
This is the best way to conceal an erection. However, it is pretty hard to pull off slickly but when you pull it off, your good to go. It is easiest to do this method with loose pants, basketball shorts, swim trunks (be carefully here), anything but really tight pants. If you are wearing a belt and the waist is tight, I suggest going to the bathroom or absolutely make sure that no one is looking.
What you want to do is basically pull your erection straight against your stomach and use your pant’s waistband to hold it there. So basically your penis is pointing straight up and your pant’s waistband is holding it at the straight up position. With this method, your wood is 100% concealed and no one is the wiser and as you start to get less aroused your penis will simply fall out of the waistband and you’re ready to go.
Like I said before… DO NOT do this unless you are slick as hell and can do it without anyone watching. You can either use your hand to quickly pull your wood up or if you are wearing sports pants or something you can quickly move your pants down to go under your wood and slide it up against your penis.
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT do this if you are not sure you can get away with it or if people are around. You are going to look like an idiot with your hands down your pants. Look at this douche who didn’t master the arts of the bonerhide try his luck.
Option 2:
Now if you can’t do Option 1, the next option is to simply put your hands in your pocket and hold it to the side. Obviously, don’t make it ridiculously obvious but casually slip your hands in your pocket and grab your stick and hold it slightly to the side until it subsides. You might have to do a little maneuvering if your little guy is not a hands grab away.
Here you can see a guy using the BonerHide Arts:
SITTING
Option 1:
Hiding your wood when sitting is easy. Your first option is to simply cross your legs and lean forward. In this position, it is almost impossible to see an inopportune boner.
Take a look at Jay Leno and Ryan Phillipe, now everyone knows that they are gay lovers and both probably had a huge erection but guess what? You can’t tell!
Option 2:
Option 1 is the best way to go but if you have anything on hand like say a notebook, folder, etc. Just simply put it on your lap and no ones the wiser.
Don’t ever forget the Art of the BonerHide as it can save you from a precarious situation. I suggest practicing it at home to do it swiftly and effectively and when your done practicing, you can give yourself a little treat for a job well done. Win-Win situation for all!
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Comments
Why not take full advantage of the situation and grab the nearest hot young lass and hide it up there??
Wow, a guide that states in the open what every man automatically does. No seriously, good tips. They were a lifesaver at that last party.
I must say I’m a fan of Option #1 myself. Around these parts we call that one the “Tuck Everlasting”
lazierthanme:
“I suggest practicing it at home to do it swiftly and effectively and when your done practicing…”
HAHAHAHA - great advice! I use the waistband against my schlong too!